I try not to get emo in this journal, and in the few entries I have here, I've done quite well on that front, but this time, I must get a bit emo. So, the following is very self-pitying emo. For, I have been quite ill, both in the tummy and in the head, and it has made me quite sad.

I have had an strange - and as yet barely diagnosed - stomach ailment over the past few months that has slowly been aggravating me to distraction. I have missed an inordinate amount of work time, and the frustration has been mounting, and I only just got put on a new medication to try and curb it (now that I've gained 13 lbs back from what I lost!). But, that is not the end.

As it finally seemed to be getting better, my meds for my depression started to fail. So I had to leave work early one day when I couldn't control myself, and it started a spiral. I went into express care (like a low budget ER), to get an increase in my dosage, and *that* began a whole new problem...

It may sound like I'm exggerating, and maybe I am since I have no frame of reference for this sort of thing, but the last several days have been sheer torture. I was so restless and unable to function normally that I had to take a leave from work. I quit my part time job all together, and I'm out of the regular job until I can get under control. Right now, I've spent the past 4 days sleeping, followed by a zombified trudge around the house for about 3 hours, then sleeping some more, then getting up and being unable to stay in one place for more than a few minutes before the restlessness and complete discomfort drives me elsewhere.

But there's nowhere to go! I feel like I'm going mad, because I'm in so much...discomfort (it really i the best word) that I can't watch a single TV program, or read e-mail, or play a game or anything. It's driving my insane. I had a bit of a reprive Sunday, and I hope that it's just my new meds playing havoc, and that the worst is almost over. I see the doctor today, followed by going to work to arrange a comeback date.

I just had to get that out. I don't know witch ailment started what, or what either has to do with the other, but I just want things back to normal again before I go crazy. *sigh*

There, end of emo...